Count me as a “near victim” of the kind of crime described in the newspaper report above — credit card fraud.

Here’s what happened. Lori was trying to pay the bill at the neighborhood grocer when the machine rejected her card. I was browsing for movies, and she came and asked if we had reached our limit. I prayed we had not, vaguely remembering the rather large limit that particular card carried. I slipped her another card and it went through fine.

Once home, there was a message on the machine. Credit card security wanted us to call. I did so, and they wanted to know if earlier in the day I had purchased a $600 kitchen appliance from an English company and another $400 kitchen item from a firm in Louisville, Kentucky. After checking with Lori (maybe she wanted some fancy blender or something), I assured them we had not.

“Your number’s been obtained fraudulently,” the gentlemen replied. “Can you do without the card for two days and we’ll Fed Ex a new one Tuesday. Just cut that one up and toss it.”

The $600 charge had been stopped, but the $400 had gone through.

“We should be able to delete it, but if it is on your bill just send in the payment minus that amount and explain what happened,” he said.

And so we joined the masses. As the credit card industry has blasted off in the last 20 years, so has the opportunity for fraud. I looked around and had trouble finding precise figures, but a seemingly good round figure for the annual amount of credit card fraud is $2 billion. That’s enough to make even Bill Gates squirm a little.

I queried the card security guy, and he said it isn’t just Internet purchases. He said the databases of staid, regular old companies make easy targets for hackers who can get thousands of numbers and sell them to crime syndicates. Other times it’s just petty thieves who pick up old receipts found in trash cans to see if they can make’em work. Guess an expiration date and in some cases you can get what you want.

I’m saying a little thank you to that security guy in some office somewhere who decided to stop payment on my card until we talked. He may have saved me $1,000, perhaps more.

°°°

Most people would consider an appearance on Jay Leno or David Letterman the pinnacle of accomplishment. In this business it’s your worst nightmare. Below are a list of headlines that came to me via one of our graphic designers, Travis Bumgardner, the kind that would make good fodder for the comedians just mentioned.

As someone who has had the pleasure of working with some real wordsmiths, here’s my take on some of these: many times, these “mistakes” are intentional, the direct result of copy editors or reporters seeing if they can slip one by a bleary-eyed editor up the line somewhere. These actual headlines did just that:

° Something went wrong in jet crash, expert says

° Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers

° Iraqi head seeks arms

° Is there a ring of debris around uranus?

° Prostitutes appeal to pope

° Panda mating fails; veterinarian takes over

° Teacher strikes idle kids

° Miners refuse to work after death

° Juvenile court to try shooting defendant

° War dims hope for peace

° If strike isn’t settled quickly, it may last awhile

° Cold wave linked to temperatures

° Enfield (London) couple slain; police suspect homicide

° Red tape holds up bridge

° Typhoon rips through cemetery; hundreds dead

° Man struck by lightning faces battery charge

° New study of obesity looks for larger test group

° Astronaut takes blame for gas in spacecraft

° Kids make nutritious snacks

° Local high school dropouts cut in half

° Hospitals are sued by 7 foot doctors

°°°

Here’s an email from a learned friend. I hope whomever wrote it doesn’t try to bust me for plagiarizing:

A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the desk in front of him. When the final student was seated he picked up a large and empty glass bottle and proceeded to fill it with rocks that were about two inches in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

He then picked up a box of pebbles and added them to the jar, shaking it lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. “Is the jar filled now?”

Yes, the students said.

But then he picked up a bag of sand and poured it into the bottle. The sand filled in everything else. Once more he asked if it was full and after some thinking they said that it was.

The professor then took two cans of beer from a bag at the side of the desk and opening them both, poured the entire contents into the jar. The students roared at this demonstration.

After the laughter subsided the professor spoke: “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things in your life; your family, your partner, your health, your children ... things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

“The pebbles are the other things that matter ... like your job, your house, your car.

“The sand is everything else. The small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical check-ups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, rewire the lamp.

“Take care of the rocks first ... the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

After the impact of what he had said settled, one of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.

“I’m glad you asked. It just goes to prove that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of beers.”

That’s my kind of philosophy lesson.

(Scott McLeod can be reached at info@smokymountainnews.com)