Call me a punk, but I can’t find a thing to write about this week. Oh, there’s live music in Asheville — loads of it — and much of it promises to be good. But I can’t nail down the one profile that would get me up on the soapbox this week, either to glorify or malign. It’s a tough spot, no doubt.

Some of it’s familiarity. I’ve already written about Menage, the Sons of Ralph, Particle, Delta Moon, and Hank Williams III, and while the mark of a good entertainment writer is the ability to spew new nuggets of red-hot opinion and useless trivia every time an established band takes the stage, I’m nuggetless at the moment. (I have opinions, sure, but none I’m compelled to share at the moment.) That said, you can’t go wrong with any of these bands if they fit your mood: we can thumbnail ’em as heavenly harmony, high-octane Americana, space porn, greasy third-generation blues, and hammerhead insurgent country, respectively.

I’ve never written about Jump (Little Children), but I suspect that’s just as good. I haven’t written about Martin Sexton either, a streak I’ll continue here. I actually asked for the most recent Pat Green album, hoping to get a read on his moppet-haired country-pop Texas troubadour act, but got the stiff-arm on that request, so I’m not filing a preview out of spite and pique. Plus I suspect he ain’t worth the money. Nashville honky-tonker Kenneth Brian looks intriguing, as do the name kings Yo Mama’s Big Fat Booty Band. UNCA is hosting Celtic fiddler Natalie MacMaster. A word should be put in for Revision, the Herbillest, and Sugar & The Plums and the job the folks at the Emerald Lounge, Tribes, and Broadway’s are doing bringing in some under-the-radar acts. (Word in.)

I gave serious thought to plugging string revisionists Rani Arbo and daisy mayhem, who are bringing their brand of exuberant Americana to the Diana Wortham Theatre. Arbo almost had me when I found out that she lives in Middletown, Conn., where I went to college, and that two of her bandmates are fellow alumni of Wesleyan University. (Go Wes!) I thought it might be clever to throw in some obscure references to Clark Hall, steamed cheeseburgers, and the hash browns at the Ford News Diner. I thought I might call Rani up and ask if she ever met the groundskeeper Sebastian Nuzzi, and if so, did he still smoke his pipe upside down in the rain? Better still, did he still sprinkle his conversations with a particular ribald expression of ethnic origin, a dirty little curse that still thrills me when I think of it, of which the only part I can print here are the words “love story”? Tempting, I’ll admit, but I decided it made a lousy premise for a preview, and amounted to a bit of collegiate back scratching, the kind of rank old-school favoritism that has no place in the democratic (or should I say autocratic?) landscape of the Over Yonder Jamboree.

So instead, I’m throwing in the towel. I’ll list all these shows below, and if you’re interested, you can sniff up the appropriate tree. But don’t fret, dear readers: I’ll be back with two genuine previews next week, filled to the brim with new nuggets of red-hot opinion and useless trivia. See ya then.

Playing in Asheville This Week

• Pat Green, Orange Peel, 2/24

• Revision, Emerald Lounge, 2/24

• Jump (Little Children), Grey Eagle, 2/24

• Menage, Grey Eagle, 2/25

• Sons of Ralph, Jack of the Wood, 2/25

• Sugar & the Plums, Broadway’s, 2/25

• Particle, Orange Peel, 2/25

• The Herbillest, Tribes, 2/25

• Yo Mama’s Big Fat Booty Band, Stella Blue, 2/26

• Delta Moon, Westville Pub, 2/26

• Kenneth Brian, Jack of the Wood, 2/26

• Southern Lights, Hannah Flanagan’s, 2/26

• Martin Sexton, Orange Peel, 2/26

• Hank Williams III, Orange Peel, 2/27

• Natalie MacMaster, UNCA, 2/28 and 3/1

Three Good Things About the Grammy Awards

1. Loretta Lynn beats Tim McGraw for Best Country Album

2. Brave Combo wins another Polka Grammy for Let’s Kiss (I’m not kidding, folks. I love Brave Combo.)

3. Neal Pollack’s “Grammy Whammy!” dissection on salon.com

They Said It

“Mike Wallace and Morley Safer have more sexual chemistry onstage than J.Lo and Marc Anthony.”

— Neal Pollack, disparaging the J.Lo and Marc Anthony Grammy performance, on salon.com.