week of 4/10/02
 
 
 

Listen — even if you don’t want to believe it
By Andrea Chester
Gina and Joey grew up in a small Southern community. Their parents were good friends with Howard and Maggie, an older couple who had neat things like an electric organ, a fishing boat, and a horse. When they went to visit, the kids were allowed to play the organ while the adults talked. Once in a while, they went out to the barn to pet the horse, but they only dreamed of riding him.

One day, when Gina was about 12, Howard pulled her onto his knee and cuddled her up, really close. She felt uncomfortable, but she’d been taught to respect her elders, so she didn’t make a fuss. Howard’s hands kind of draped across her thighs, and it felt creepy to her, but her parents didn’t seem to notice. Howard even tried to kiss her mouth when it was time to go home. Gina wondered if she’d get into trouble for pulling away from him. Maybe someone would think she was being disrespectful.

Another time, Howard took Gina and Joey outside to look at his fishing boat. When he helped Gina climb into the boat, he put his hand right on her bottom to lift her. She was terribly embarrassed because she was wearing a dress, and Howard’s hand brushed against her panties. It bothered her a lot.

That afternoon, Gina overheard her father talking to a county commissioner, and then to a lawyer. Howard was being investigated because a young girl in his neighborhood had charged him with sexual abuse, but Gina’s folks didn’t believe that their friend would do such a thing. He was a retired deputy sheriff, for Heaven’s sake!

The charges against Howard were dropped because many people vouched for his good character. In those days, a child’s testimony wasn’t considered reliable, and the police told the girl that she’d better stop making up stories. Nobody ever asked Gina what she thought.

That summer, Howard went to Gina’s house in the middle of the afternoon. Gina was nervous about Howard being there without her parents at home, but because he was a friend of the family Joey let him in. He sat down on the couch.

“C’mon over here, guys. I have something to show you.”

He pulled out a comic book, but it was unlike any comic they’d ever seen. It had pictures of men and women undressing each other and doing things together that made Gina blush. Joey thought it was wonderful. He was only 8, and never got to see pictures like that .... Well, he and his friends had sneaked a look at a Playboy magazine once, but this time, nobody was sneaking. Howard was a trusted adult, and he was giving them permission to look at the book.

Howard told Gina that her parents wanted him to teach her and her brother about sex. He said he was pretty good at it, too, because he had taught several young people about it.

Right then the phone rang, and Gina went to answer it. It was her mother, asking her to cook some eggs and potatoes for potato salad. She said she’d be home in about 15 minutes. Howard left right away, without even waiting to say “Hi” to Gina’s mom.

Gina never did talk with her folks about it, and Howard never came back to give her and Joey any more “lessons.” For years, she worried about what could have happened if her mother hadn’t called to say she’d be home soon.

One day, her own daughter told her that a friend of the family had touched her in a way that she didn’t like. Gina had never forgotten that young girl who had tried to tell people what had happened to her. She’d always thought it was very wrong that the adults hadn’t even listened, so she decided to act on what her daughter told her.

If your child comes to you, listen. It may not be something you want to hear, but the only way you can begin to help is by hearing, by really listening when a child tells you what’s going on. Then get professional help.