Penny’s family was eating dinner when the 8-year-old blurted out, “Mom, am I remarkably well-developed for my age?”

Her father choked on a spoonful of stew. “Beg pardon?”

Sara, Penny’s mother, was a little less obvious about it.

“What did you say, honey?”

She hoped she had misunderstood her daughter’s question, but she felt an uneasy shiver creep up her spine. The child didn’t often use such adult language.

“Am I remarkably well-developed for my age? Mr. Jackson says I am.”

Penny’s brown eyes seemed doubtful, as though she wanted to ask something more, but wasn’t sure if it was safe to do so.

“He showed me pictures on his computer, and told me I have real potential.”

Ned and his wife exchanged wary glances.

“What kind of pictures would that be, honey?”

Sara was afraid of the answer she might hear, but she was determined to stay calm.

“Oh, just the pictures he takes of kids and stuff. He’s a photographer, you know. He wants to take pictures of me, too.” Penny was concentrating on mashing a potato, avoiding her mother’s eyes. “He said we could maybe even make some movies.”

Penny’s parents are wise to be concerned. Mr. Jackson may be a legitimate photographer ... or he may be “grooming” Penny to be a victim of child sexual assault. This crime ranges from intentionally exposing a child to pornography to sibling incest, and all the way to forcible rape of a minor. It’s under-reported and difficult to prosecute. And it’s rampant.

Although children have suffered mistreatment for about as long as humans have been around, it’s a very difficult crime to investigate, and notoriously tricky to prove. United States law has only one uniform code about any type of child abuse — professionals must report if they suspect any kind of abuse. State and regional law enforcement and reporting procedures vary greatly.

According to the Department of Justice, almost 100,000 cases of child sexual abuse are reported each year. More sexual assaults happen to victims between the ages of 12-18 than in any other age bracket, and many perpetrators are also juveniles. In fact, when the victimized child is younger than 12 years, almost half of the offenders are minors themselves (under age 18). Most child victims know their abuser and endure the abuse multiple times before they report.

For years, Americans have taken great pains to educate their children about the unfamiliar person who hangs around the playground, befriending kids. We’ve all heard the sick jokes about “You want some candy, little girl?” Our kids have been trained not to talk to strangers and to refuse rides, candy, money, and gifts from people they don’t know. Ironically, they’re far more vulnerable to neighbors, friends, and their families.

Here are some general facts about the crime. Good information helps us respond with confidence when our children need help.

° What is child sexual abuse? It’s forced sexual contact between a child and an adult or older child. It may involve physical force, but more often, emotional coercion is a factor. It includes inducing a child to view pornography, luring him/her into sexual acts (with or without intercourse), fondling, and obscene behavior. Sexual abuse may not be physical at all, but can be strictly emotional and/or spiritual in nature.

Special note: Even when there’s no apparent force, any sexual contact between a child and a more mature person is assault. A young child is legally unable to give consent, even when she or he appears to engage willingly. Exploration of physical differences between very young children, while upsetting to many parents, isn’t sexual in nature, and isn’t abusive. (If a youngster’s behavior or language is overly explicit, violent, or sexualized, consider it a strong warning sign. The matter should be investigated.) An adult “playing doctor” with a child is something else altogether, and is considered abusive.

° Who is the “typical” child molester? In 90 percent of reported cases, it’s someone the child knows and trusts. Most reported offenders are heterosexual males, ranging in age from early teens to early 40s. According to Dr. Nicholas Groth, there are two general kinds of offenders — 1) the sadistic person who gets a “kick” out of the pain, fear, and distress of the victim, and 2) the “friend,” who tries to win the child’s cooperation without causing harm or stress. (This type doesn’t consider his behavior abusive, but loving! The perpetrator may be convinced that the child was a willing participant.) Almost one third of the criminals are close relatives of the child they molest.

° Where does it happen? The assault usually occurs in the home of the child or the perpetrator, or a friend’s home. It rarely happens in places unfamiliar to the child. More than in any other crime, the perpetrator takes care to “groom” the victim, so the relationship may be fostered for many months before the actual assaults begin. This process makes the child less likely to resist. The progressive intimacy may be exciting to the offender, and in some cases, it never evolves beyond the grooming stage.

° How does sexual abuse affect the child? Reactions vary from child to child, and from crime to crime. Typically, the younger the child, the less she or he will consciously remember. However, some very young children have excellent memories. Occasionally, children are so traumatized that they mentally “escape” from what’s going on with their bodies. We don’t have good statistics to tell us how often this happens. (Dr. William Tollefsen says that some children build multiple personalities to escape the emotional and physical pain. One personality knows all about the abuse, while the other knows little or nothing about it!)

° Is my child “scarred for life?” Some children don’t appear to have much damage from their experience. Many of those kids may have been in the grooming stages when the abuse ended. For other children, the more physical abuse may be easier to deal with, because there’s evidence that it was “real.” Emotional or spiritual sexual abuse is less tangible, and the child may wonder if she’s making too big a deal of it. In general, kids do better when they have strong parental support, access to counseling, and no further contact with the abuser.

° The element of trust between the abuser and the youngster influences how the child perceives the ordeal. Close relatives (siblings, parents/step-parents, grandparents) generally have strong personal connections with the child. Surrogate parents and spiritual mentors hold an important place in the youngster’s life, as well. When that trust is betrayed, it’s devastating. With support, some children seem to settle it in their minds with comparative ease and move on with their lives. Others struggle for a long while, and feel like “damaged goods.”

° What signs will I notice if my child is victimized? These behaviors or indications should alert you to the possibility.

1. Scratches, bruises, itching/rashes, injuries in the genital area

2. Radical change in toilet habits

3. Blood or discharge in underwear

4. Sexualized behavior (seductiveness, dress/makeup that is too mature for the child)

5. Unusual interest in sexual matters (pregnancy, body parts, masturbation)

6. Sudden/excessive interest in grooming

7. Sudden behavior changes (aggression, eating habits, schoolwork, concentration/distractibility)

8. Becoming promiscuous

9. Use of drugs/alcohol in young children, early teens

10. Withdrawal/isolation/change in type of friends

11. Venereal diseases

° How else can I tell? Sometimes the only way you’ll know is because the child tells you. She may hint around or tell you about a “friend,” or she may come right out and disclose. It’s important that you believe the youngster, remain calm, and report it immediately. As noted previously, one of the few consistent features of child abuse laws is the mandatory report. People in the helping professions may lose their jobs and professional licenses, and they may jeopardize the agency for which they work, if they fail to report in a timely manner (within 24 hours of the time they suspect abuse).

° How do I report? You aren’t required to give your name, although it’s preferred. The person who takes the report knows what information to gather. It can be intimidating, but tell officials what you can. Avoid accusations and speculations, unless you are absolutely positive of the perpetrator’s identity.

° Will the abuser find out that I turned him in? He might guess, but, according to federal law, your involvement is confidential.

° What number do I call? The national hotline is 1.800.422.4453. Here are the local numbers.

(This series of articles about sexual assault contains some very graphic and sensitive material. Most of us aren’t comfortable with the topic, but we can’t afford to ignore it. Abuse doesn’t go away just because we want it to. If you need help, please call any of the numbers given in this article. If you want more information from the author, you may reach her at 828.488.9038, or e-mail her at amchester@peoplepc.com.