Dear Ken,

Ouch! I’m glad that someone has finally remedied why I laugh at jokes that hover around the blast out sections of the body. Now I understand why “Austin Powers in Goldmember” appealed to me so much. I have the jesting mind of a 12-year-old, along with the millions of other “adults” who went to see Austin last weekend. Thank you for pinpointing why I laughed (with the rest of the roaring theater) when arch-villain Fat Bastard remarks on his toilet specimens.

Silly me, guffawing at all the things that “mature critics” find offensive. I laughed at Austin’s yellow, misshaped teeth. I sprayed saliva when new villain Goldmember (played by Mike Meyers) would peel skin off his back and eat it.

Yuck, Ken. Does that mean that Austin won’t be up for Oscars?

Oh, yes, I hee-hawed at the time-traveling pimpmobile. I elbowed my wife when I found out that Goldmember “lost his genitalia in an unfortunate smelting accident” and had it replaced by gold.

My wife laughed a whole lot too. She seems like a functioning adult, but since seeing Austin Powers, I realize that we both belong in the halls of middle school. Ah, true love amongst pseudo adults who love a good far ... I mean gas passing. Sorry, Ken, I know how that “f” word, or the mere suggestion of it, burns you up.

Recycled? Sure, I guess that’s what they call them sequels. And as hard as my tiny mind might try, I’m a sucker for Mike Meyers. He loves the Austin/Dr. Evil persona, and he relishes the role every time he slides into their skin. Meyers is obviously having fun and that’s the whole point. Other viewers may not like the movie, but it’s apparent that the creators did. Even the Godfather looked tired in round three. But, Austin? He’s still cheeky as ever, baby.

I also noticed, Ken, that you and many other critics thought the plot was lacking. Let’s see: Goldmember’s (aka Johann van der Smut ) plot is to destroy the world with co-conspirator, Dr. Evil. In order to thwart Austin, they kidnap his father (or “fazher” as the Dutch Goldmember pronounces it), Nigel Powers (Michael Caine) and take him back to 1975. Austin, with the aid of the time travel pimpmobile, hurls back to the 70’s and teams up with Foxxy Cleopatra (Beyonce Knowles of the pop-group, Destiny’s Child).

Could it be that the creators of Austin know that their movie’s bad? Maybe, the plot is simply there for those who need structure. I sure didn’t lay $7 down for a silly old plot. I wanted cheap laughs, as many as could be crammed into 90 minutes. Since I’m getting ready for puberty, I need all the humor I can get.

And, Ken how about all those nifty subplots? Dr. Evil’s two sons, Scott Evil (Seth Green) and Mini-Me (Verne Troyer) vie for their daddy’s attention. They hate each other and Dr. Evil plays them off of each other (of course, if you’re real grown-up, you’ll find this to be sickening). The father and son issue is also strained with Nigel and Austin. Nigel thinks Austin is a hack, and Austin (rightfully) blames his dad for never showing up at his award ceremonies.

There are so many gags in Austin Powers that some of them do fall flat. But, that’s the beauty of it. It’s so full of double-entendres (I had to look that one up in my daddy’s dictionary), physical humor, toilet humor, musicals (one scene depicts Dr. Evil and alter-ego Mini-Me joining a bunch of cons in a play on rapper Jay-Z’s version of “It’s a Hard Knock Life” from “Annie”) and star cameos that it’s hard to digest every morsel. Still, my gut reaction was to laugh. There was nothing forced about it. My instinct compelled me to snicker at the silly.

Do we go see Austin Powers with hankies and a copy of Play Bill? Not that I’m aware of. Folks who have never seen Austin may not get it. I understand. Fans of the Flatulence (that’s my new club, Ken) go because we know Austin, and we are comfortable with the outlandish humor.

And since I don’t know much about the moral adult world, I appreciated the shamelessness of the product placement. My favorite unabashed promo is the part of Mr. Roboto, an evil Japanese businessman, who is played by top L.A. restaurateur Nobu Matsuhisa.

“We cast Nobu,” Myers said in a past press release “because if it was 8 o’clock on Saturday night and we wanted to go to Matsuhisa, which is always packed, we’d still be able to get a table. We’re not idiots. It’s the best food on the planet.”

Do you think the food was fuel for their body humor? I titter at the mere thought of it.

Thank you, Austin, for making me realize that immaturity is still accepted by millions of people. The movie made over $70 million in its first weekend, making Fans of Flatulence the biggest club ever!

And thank you, Ken, for making me realize that all I am is a 12 year old who finds everything funny. I guess I’ll never be mature enough to realize that laughter is only appropriate when a Nobel scholar passes ga...I mean breaks wi...er, well, maybe you guys just never have that kind of “problem”.

Thanks for your time,

Hunter Pope

P.S. Make sure to put a copy of this in your bathroom. I find it to be excellent toilet reading material.