Try and Make Me, by Ray Levy, Bill O’Hanlon & Tyler Goode.
New York: Rodale Press, 2001.
$19.95 - 224 pages.

Busy parents - a redundant phrase, in most cases - seldom have time to read books on raising children. Often they read a book or two before the birth and infancy of their first child, but after that it’s diapers, feedings, naps, illnesses, and play groups. The baby described in the book has leaped from the page and into their arms. Books on rearing children are, at that point, generally used as manuals for damage control, opened more for quick reference in regard to specific problems than for deep perusal.

When these problems do arise - illness, sleeping difficulties, behavioral or emotional disturbances—-parents who turn to books for help seldom have time for long lectures or obtuse theories. What they want then from a book is clarity, simple (but not simplistic) solutions, and a sense that the author has had some experience in dealing with children.

One new book which meets these criteria and which should prove a blessing to many parents is Try And Make Me! Subtitled “Simple Strategies That Turn Off The Tantrums And Create Cooperation.” Try And Make Me! should prove invaluable to any parent faced with raising a defiant child. Ray Levy of Texas and Bill O’Hanlon of New Mexico are two family therapists who, assisted by local free-lance writer Tyler Norris Goode of Clyde, have created a guide for parents that should appeal on several fronts.

Try And Make Me! is aimed at frustrated parents of children from two to twelve years old, parents whose “...troublesome kids are driving them up the wall.” Avoiding long-winded explanations or technical language, the authors have written a book for harried parents with little free time. They write in an easy, conversational style, with just the right touch of humor; they give plenty of examples; they are honest enough to tell their readers that some of their techniques will place demands on the parents and that not every technique will work with every child; and they give a summary of each chapter under the heading of “Behavior Basics,” thereby allowing the parents quick access to information.

The excellent organization of Try And Make Me! also benefits parents. Unlike some efforts of this kind, which delineate the problem but give short shrift to the solution, Levy, O’Hanlon, and Goode spend about a third of the book looking at the behavior of defiant children, then use the rest of the book working toward very specific solutions.

In their solutions the authors give all parents, not just those with defiant children, a way both to discipline their children and to teach them more acceptable behavior. The authors have put together a formidable combination of techniques to help parents faced with a defiant child - praise, the idea and practice of consequences, time-outs, a form of restraint which they call “hold downs,” and a form of training which they have labelled the Academy.

Underlying all of these techniques is the idea that the parents are in charge of their children. The authors make it clear that the idea of authority is at the heart of most battles between weary parents and defiant children. Arguing morning after morning, for example, with a 7-year-old over what to wear to school puts the child in charge of the family, and the authors show how the parents may regain control of the situation with dignity.

Near the end of the book is a flow chart called “Responding to Defiance, Step by Step.” Equally valuable is a section of short scripts in which the parent successfully handles typical situations: incomplete homework, talking back, refusing to go to bed, throwing tantrums in the toy store when the parent won’t buy a particular toy.

Try And Make Me! is an excellent family resource.

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What Stories Does My Son Need?, by Michael Gurian & Terry Trueman.
New York: Putnam Books, 2000.
$9.95.

Michael Gurian’s What Stories Does My Son Need? written with the help of Terry Trueman, is “a guide to books and movies that build character in boys.” It lists 100 books and movies, along with reviews and questions to help start a discussion.

Everyone will disagree with some of the movies and books included in Gurian’s collection. “Forrest Gump” doesn’t strike me as being a film to build character in young men, though maybe I’m being too stuffy here; I dont think, however, it will build character in fourth to sixth graders, the age bracket in which Gurian places it. Some other movies and books are missing which should have made the cut: “Tender Mercies,” for example, or The Great Gatsby.

Still, this book contains many solid recommendations. Gurian gives the reader a solid core list of film and literature for young men ages three to eighteen. He mixes classics and more recent films and literary works into a list that should help parents choose stories appropriate for their sons, a list which, Gurian hopes, “... will help channel your boys’ energy for stories beyond ‘entertainment,’ into the development of moral character and mission.”

(Jeff Minick owns Saints and Scholars Bookstore in downtown Waynesville.)

 

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